Mama Says

Jane Lowell McCarthy Greene was born to Tom and Tia on July 22 at 1:40 pm at 27 weeks gestation.  Her father Tom said, “She is tiny, but she’s a fighter.” Jane lived 6 months and 6 days to the minute of her birth. In those 6 months she grew, played, and nursed.  She was a sibling and she knew love: love of her family, love of her friends and love from people that had never met her or her family.  In those months I also grew to love Jane. I read Tia’s blog and thought daily of my dear friend. I tried to wrap my head around how life can be so…so…not right.

It was 4:45 pm when I read Tia’s entry that Jane had died.  I sat down and cried. I called my husband and left a message, then called my Mother and we cried together.  Afterwards I thought, “What now?  What should I do? What is enough or too much? What will help? What will hurt?”

I know that Jane Was Here, but not long enough. I know that the medical world tried, but it was not enough.  I also know that there was enough love, but even all this love could not save Jane. I hope that this love is enough for Tom and Tia and big sister Sarah. That it helps make their days a little less painful and brings a little more light.
 
I believe that I will never understand it nor will I “get it”. Sometimes life is just not right. It will never be what it should have been.  I will continue to try and be the best friend that I can for Tia and I will continue to be humbled by her grace, tact, and her incredible “humanness” in handling the loss of her daughter.  I will continue to embrace the memory of Jane and to honor her life.

So this is what I believe: I believe that life can change with every breath we take and that every day that Tia, Tom and Sarah had with Jane was not enough.  I believe that finding grace in life “not being right” is the gift that Jane has left for me.

Susan Paris is the mother of two boys, an RN at Copley Hospital Birthing Center, and a Mama Says Board Member. She is a breastfeeding, cloth diapering, martini drinking mama.